No, but It Counts

So, it’s back to being a sub-.500 team, is it Mavericks? Well played, sirs. Way to get dismantled by a team you just beat a few days ago, a team completely torn apart by injuries, a team that didn’t even have Anthony Davis in the second half. Way to kick off this four-games-in-five-nights portion of the schedule. High-fives all around!

Honestly, this one was doomed from the start. Ever since my free trial ran out on NBA League Pass, I’ve been forced to purchase each Mavericks game individually for $6.99, with this game being the third time I’ve done it. Yes, I’m aware I can sign up for NBA Team Pass with five easy installments of $26.99, and I’m going to do that starting with Friday’s game, but my finances are currently such that it’s easier to take smaller hits at the moment. I’ll admit it leaves me feeling like something of a peasant, flinging my pennies at the NBA so they’ll grant me my wish to please, pretty please let me keep up with my new favorite team even though just last week I had unlimited access to every jaw-dropping second of every rim-rocking dunk and long-range swish — Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! So anyway, after I forked over my hard-earned money to watch the Pelicans destroy the Mavericks, the game wouldn’t play this time. Despite the fact that I had already paid for it, all the League Pass player wanted to do when I tried to start up the game was tell me that I would have to open my wallet if I wanted to watch it.

No problem, I think to myself in an annoyingly calm voice; I’ll just contact NBA League Pass Support, and they’ll probably put on some well-informed, articulate, tech-savvy guy who just so happens to love basketball, and he’ll quickly have me up and running. Instead I got a female with a toneless voice, and after spending probably 20 minutes on the phone with her, she managed to suggest trying a different browser before deciding it would be easier just to hang up on me. Now, I’m not trying to spread vicious rumors about NBA League Pass Support; it’s possible we just got disconnected after several minutes of working toward a solution she clearly didn’t have. You don’t need the deduction skills of Sherlock Holmes to determine she probably just bailed because she had no idea what to do. While we’re on the subject, what would Sherlock’s favorite team be? Probably the Clippers; that sounds British enough.

So I soon followed up with live chat support. The future is here, and sometimes live chat support gets everything resolved the same way all communication is done anymore: through digital messages hurriedly typed out by fumbling fingers and transmitted back and forth to each other through space. I was still optimistic; after all, this is an NBA product, and I’m really drinking the company Kool-Aid these days.

Unfortunately, this was just as bad. The response time between messages probably averaged out to about five minutes, and the representative insisted the problem was with my Flash player. Just reinstall Flash and restart, she insisted, and you’ll be tuning in to some sweet second quarter Mavericks action, and Dirk Nowitzki will be young again, and you’ll be flush with the kind of cash needed to stop having to purchase games in a one-by-one fashion. I briefly wasted time arguing that it wasn’t my Flash player, that the player was more than happy to show me a highlight of Davis being awesome at the Mavs’ expense, that it was simply not recognizing that I had paid for it, when it finally worked. I just closed the chat window without saying anything more.

I hate watching sports behind the live action, but that’s exactly what I then tried to do. Playing catch-up was hard, though, because my internet connection was in cahoots with the NBA and didn’t want me to watch the game. After seeing extremely low-resolution images of what I assumed were Pelicans doing awful things to my beloved Mavericks, I flew into a fit of rage and took several hours off. Later I calmed down and watched the carnage patiently, but I’m not sure the results are worth rehashing here.

There were some bright spots, I suppose. Justin Anderson cracked double-digits for the first time, and that’s fantastic news for someone who absolutely loves rookies. Dirk had another solid game from the field. For once, the team shot terribly but actually corrected things in the second half. I ate McDonald’s again during the fourth quarter. These are the only positive things I can think to say about this disaster. Let us never speak of the experience again unless you want to discuss Sausage McMuffins.

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